Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Blog update long overdue. Let's revisit the pressing issues that have been marring the life of one that possesses protruding cheeks (P.C term for fat face) - acrostics style (here enlies a crytpic message):

M oles: summer has finally decided to bless us with its presence and douse us with plenty of U.V. This signals the time to check for weirdo moles. How can you possibly keep track of all the moles on your body? Wonder if you play connect the dots with moles, a picture of something will appear? Hope mine looks like a cute cartoon character - like Angela Anaconda - good show that!

E tiquette: some people possess squat train etiquette. Example, some days ago I was sitting next to a guy who refused to negotiate his major leg spread. Now, he was by no means a big man so the amount of room he was taking up bordered on ludicrous (har Space Balls). His spread was so immense that I could feel every inch of his thigh and the transferral of body heat was really impacting my mental and physical wellbeing. Tried squirming around in my minimal space but alas! How about people that insist on sitting the opposite direction to the rest of the carriage? Madness!

R ight or Left Wing: Found a couple of quizzes to determine my political denomination, The Political Quiz and World's Smallest Political Quiz. My scores are 16 and centrist respectively. This all came about when I read an article about how conservatism is now hip in America. Unfortunate since I seem to be more liberal than conservative.

R eal Fighting: Was introduced to the wonderful but gratuitous world of Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) - thanks Chad for the videos! I was convincingly shocked by the spectacle, so much so that I had to pause half way and take a breather. UFC is basically a Mortal Combat type competition involving all these crazy hardcore fighters trying to bash each other into submission. Actually some of them don't even make it to the submission stage, rather involuntarily forced unconscious via repeated blows from their opponents elbows and knees. Ugh! And you are not bound by rules. There was this one guy who was punching the living day lights out of his opponent's testicles. Luckily his opponent was Japanese, though I'm not insinuating anything.

Y ear 2003: What will I remember 2003 for? For example I associate the year 2000 with the Olympics and my 21st (damn I just gave away my age). I guess I have been predominately career-orientated this year. Most of my energies have been focused on finding the right career direction and thus far I think I have made the right decisions. Fingers crossed anyway. So perhaps I will be aiming for more personal milestones in 2004.

X mas: Losta activities happening around Christmas including LOTR III (I really hope that reprive Faramir - they completely massacred him in LOTR II), camping at Kangaroo Valley (peeing in the bush, here we come), Hawaiian Luau at Jojoba's house (pina colada - yummalicious), midnight mass tonight, christmas dinner, last minute shopping today. I'm starting to get very excited!

M ovies: Watched Lost in Translation the other day. Most amazing thing about that film is how it manages to invoke such strong connections/emotions with such minimal dialogue. Oh and how they managed to make Bill Murray quasi-attractive (but not in a sexy-hot sense).

S easons Greetings: One of the most invigorating parts of the year where little things don't bother you as much and when you start thinking of the potential of tomorrow rather than the disappointment of yesterday. Only other time this truly happens for me is Easter. Its been a champagne 2003, I just hope that I've managed to capture most of it either on film, paper, video or other means. For those that are travelling (Mindy), I LOVE gifts from overseas and to everybody else: MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A FRUITFUL 2004


Tuesday, December 09, 2003

I have discovered the most fantastic columnist - Emma Tom.
She writes in the 'Opinion' section for The Australian and ohmygawd she's FUNNY! Her subject matters are captivating and quirky, and her style of writing is so witty and different. You don't find many people writing about such things as the late Belgian porn star Lolo Ferrari's international travel-restricting breast augmentations, and the use of the word "literally".
I encourage everybody to go online to The Australian and be prepared to laugh your anklets off.

Something else that made me giggle like a school girl is the PMS ecard on the Hallmark site. It involves a bunny saying "cutsie poo". Intrigued? Take a peek here.

The week that just flew by involved birthdays, a wedding, one sick day, dirty dancing! and the usual plethora of sports.
December birthday boys drank to the shit! How the hell can you drink 20+ alcoholic drinks and still remain upstanding? By my 5th drink I am already spewing up cajun spaghetti on the stairs/in the bathroom sink/on the bathroom floor at Bar Ace *shudder*
I'm sure the bday boys enjoyed the licking/nipple touching/general loving that night.

Fat-Ass-Whore-Michelle's wedding on Sunday. She looked beautiful. Funny how people always look so angelic in a wedding dress. Well I will have to prove that theory wrong b/c I promised someone in High School that I will get married in my tracky dacks.
Of all people I should encounter at the wedding, I never expected to see SUNSHINE BOY again. This is the guy Bec and myself used to drool over at uni (ok maybe it was only me). Imagine my pure delight when I saw him in not a yellow t-shirt (hence sunshine boy) but nay, in a suit. I'm thinking Armani model! (Michelle don't you dare say anything ... I have secrets about you too ;p)

Jennifer Gray was so annoying in Dirty Dancing. I've decided, she's even more of a loser than her sister Lisa. At least Lisa underwent some kind of metamorphosis of character i.e. from bitch sister to let me do your hair Baby sister. What kind of journey did Baby undertake? Only one I can think of is from a crap dancer to a slightly less crap dancer. How cut is Patrick Swayze's back though?

Need to get my spin move back!

Friday, November 28, 2003

My blog has been accused of being the following things:
• Negative;
• Satirical;
• Appearing smarter than I really am;
• False advertising;
• Lacking of anecdotes;
• Being too brief.

Admittedly these remarks were imparted quite facetiously but I can't help but feel the need to address these wild and whirling words.

In English, a double negative forms a positive (as is the case in algebra actually). Seeing as there are apparently that many (-)s residing on this blog, we are really looking at an overall (+) picture aren't we?
Damn this 'common cold' is rendering me deaf AND my neck is STILL causing me grief. Oh look! Another positive!

The journey from Town Hall to work usually involves walking through a set of automatic sliding doors. However this particular sliding door is rather special as only the right pane slides. So in my state of weakened immunity and caffeine-deprivation, the only logical thing to do is to walk into the left pane *BAM*
Much worse than bashing your head against the window of a city rail train when you're doing the head-nodding sleeping thing.

Appearing smarter than I really am
The above should adequately abate any perception of me possessing a high IQ.

False advertising
I know, I haven't delivered on many of my promises e.g. elaborating on the Leo-Goh wedding and explaining my 'care factor zero' theory. But I should really endeavour to rectify the obvious 'false advertisement', and that requires me to metamorphose into some kind of Miss Universe. Maybe then I emulate Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality and sing "you really like me, you want to date me, you want to kiss me"?.

Lacking of anecdotes
Today I went into the toilet with a cup. Unfortunately (as is always the case) someone was in the lavatory while I was walking in with a cup and she gave me a queer look. What's so weird about walking into the loo with a cup?

Being too brief.
"Brevity is the soul of wit" (10 points for anyone who can guess the owner of that quote - preferably without the help of google - it will be tallied on my imaginary score card).

Thank Golly Its Friday (TGIF)!

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Ahhh today has been a bugger of a day!
Firstly I have been hit with what they call the 'common cold'. Now can I interject at this juncture (har I am interjecting myself ... flippant much?) to mention the fact that doctors are completely demeaning the seriousness of a cold when they label it "common". There must be copious amounts of snot in my head because I am bordering delirium. Perhaps they should make snot-tablets instead of ecstasy et al. Digressing ...

Secondly I had to not just soft reset, not just hard reset but hard-hard reset my Pocket PC. Oh the WOE! Do you realise how much information/data/files I lost. Not to mention my mega high score in Lemonade Tycoon! It is honestly quite depressing. It reminds me of that time when my pencil case got stolen (whilst playing Daytona on George Street) and I was lamenting over the loss of my FAVOURITE ruler for 3 months! Even though my wallet was also ripped away from my possession.
Yeah I think I get too attached over inanimate objects.

Anyway, running late for basketball.
Will try and summon Grant Hill skills into thy self - which is actually quite realistic since he's injured and generally not as able as his old self.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

There is some evil man operating a jackhammer in my neck, and my head is feeling the after effects!
How's that for analogy.

Current motivation and level of brain cells at the lower end of the spectrum, hence time to blog. Will be paying for this unproductivity tomorrow. In the words of Jules Renard:
"Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others."

One of those successes is of course Guy Sebastian.
Isn't it just nice when someone truly genuine and down to earth gets somewhere, especially in a country that is ruled by John Howard.

Monday, November 17, 2003

Obsessed with Myers Briggs personality tests!

Here are the links for those who want to share my compulsion for self-realisation:
Jung Typology Test
Myers Briggs Personality Test

For those that may be interested, my current (I say current because I really don't wish to be a military leader) test result is ESTJ.

And for the benefit of some, this is the quote they had when explaining ESTJ'ians:
"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."

Wedding Extravaganza of the Century was held on the weekend that just passed. In many ways, that description really did hold true. I had an unbelievable time and its so beautiful to see a good friend plunge into the realms of ultimate balls and chains. Will elaborate on the wonderful occasion another time. Need to read up on Part XIB of the Trade Practices Act.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

A wave of panic is engulfing my existence.
Things to do for wedding before tomorrow morning:
• Buy dress
• Finish off quiz
• Prepare corny jokes for MC
• Take non existent annual leave
• Finish off reports/presentations at work.

Yup talk about ultimate preparation.

Things that made me chuckle (even in my state of anarchy) on the way from Town Hall to work:

• These bunch of old ladies that walked in a perfect line spanning the width of the pathway, meaning that NOBODY could overtake them. They were just going along their merry way not realising the chaos they were creating. Seeing as there was a traffic jam in front of me, I decided to stop off and grab coffee from my fave coffee shop. After the brief sojourn I continued to walk to work and whom shall I bump into again but the old ladies. I swear they must have only clocked up 5 metres in that 10 minute period. Is that the perfect example of the term 'decrepit' or what!

• A young child (we won't mention the fact that he was Asian) smiling gleefully because he found a Telegraph Mirror in the rubbish bin - hoorah! Geepers, maybe if it was The Australian I'd get a bit excited but the Telegraph Mirror?!? That's the newspaper version of Today Tonight *shiver*

• Coffee from my fave coffee shop - they know exactly what I want every morning. Talk about personal service.

• One of the ladies in my group at work. She's so funny. She was explaining to me this morning that she is too hammered to go through some work related material with me. I ain't complaining.

Chuckle over, back to reality.

I have decided that one of my favourite (if not the favourite) christmas song is 'Winter Wonderland'.

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening,
in the lane, snow is glistening
A beautiful sight,
we're happy tonight,
walking in a winter wonderland.

Click here for the rest of the words

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

This is actually the first free moment I've had at work where I am able to bludge. So what do I do? Blog. Talk about maximisation of free time.
I seriously think my head has increased in size and volume. There is no other possible explanation as to WHY my damn neck is aching constantly.
Eh, at least my thighs and ass are not bearing the full brunt.

Let's see, yes Hen's Night. Here is a quick summation:
• High tea - yeah there was nothing very low about the whole event. Chairs were high, food came in a high trolley thingy, price was high (har), real tea leave though.
• Red veil, pink shoes, fish neck stockings, wild hair, wild makeup, red tutu = devil bride. You were quite a sight YDG!
• Kobe Jones involved firemen, red lights, sake, soft shelled crab.
• I had horns! Bad idea because everybody played with them. Or is that a good thing?
• Bungalow 8 - too many friendly people watching the rugby, and some that were
playing with my horns.
• Shellbourne - oh the horror of retro and wailing to John Farnham.
• Star City - some people get too excited about winning $5.
• Kings Cross and the nightmare of HE-SHE, now named S/HEena
• Harrys - the ever reliable peas, mash and pie.
• Yum Cha - tripe, need I say more?

And the count down begins. The Leo-Goh wedding happens in 4 days and I don't even have enough leave hours to take a day off.
Need mental health!

Saturday, November 08, 2003

ok short & concise entry (says a person who could never keep within word limits) before I have to flee to Fiona's Hens Day-Night-and-Day extravaganza.
It has been a hectic month since the last entry, and I'm afraid the next couple of weeks will follow the same suit.
I am having trouble sleeping lately. I am physically and mentally exhuasted but yet have to resort to contemplating why I dreamt I was Sandy in "Grease" last week because I just can't get any R.E.M! Throw me a freakin' bone.

Moving along, I have since started my new job at Telstra. I have honestly learnt more in the last 2 weeks than I have in the past year. My manager is uber friendly and really does take care of me. He is one very bright man and that scares me to bits.
Last day at Deloitte (dot) was fantastic and memorable. Should really thank Michelle for organising the bulk of the events that day. Oh plus I got a Wallabies football from my team! (because I am a great sport ... hey I didnt' say it).

Damn I have to catch the train now. Ya'll have to just wait another 4 weeks until the next update. What a shame hey.

Outtie ...

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Woah an entry ante-midday, must be an extra special occasion.
And indeed I have an extra special (in a sped kinda way) guest blog from Cumulus Nimbus/Uncontrollable Energy Boy Mr Craig Du Rieu. Not only is he half French-half Asian (so he reckons), an avid supporter of the Swans (he is on the Swans boards every bloody morning, even when the season is over ... can someone say STALKER!), he is also a very interesting character and a great buddy to work with. Though he does do rather weird things like coerce me to caress his arms after he goes to the gym (yeah you're such a tank Craig) and carry a huge-ass briefcase with nothing in it. Anyways over to you Craig:

Hello fellow nerds

This is my debut article on Marissa's Universe. Publicly Marissa labels me the 'Uncontrollable Energy boy' but secretly she calls me 'Mussels from Brussels'. Neither are correct, it's just that she is a bit mixed up. It's ok though, don't worry, we are working on it. You would be amazed what weekly therapy does.

Marissa is a lovely girl though. I have the pleasure of sitting next to her at work. She insults me almost everyday, but I know that's just affection. It is sad to see her leaving though as I will miss our daily discussions about the 'boards'. I will also miss the daily guessing competition of which man she will be with when downstairs having her coffee bludge. The posse has become folk law around the Deloitte traps and it never fails to annoy Marissa when we mention it. Though between you and me, I think she is pretty proud of having 5 guys competing for her attention!!

Many of you random internet people may not know this, but Marissa is a huge Swans fan. She has the whole kit, but special mention must go to her beanie. When Marissa decks out in her beanie the crowd goes wild, the boys flock and the swans generally win. Add her fan dango hand warmers and she is the perfect footy fan. I think this website needs a photo of Marissa and her beanie.

Marissa has been an inspiration to work with and is by far the most positive person I have ever met. If the worst thing happens, Marissa will make it seem ok. Someone stole her lunch once and her response was "well at least they won't go hungry".

On a final note, I have to give a mention to Dragon boats. Marissa is going to teach me how to be a dragon boat rower. Having seen Marissa's awesome coordination in almost any sport possible, I think she would really kick arse in this. I'm a bit scared of wearing the whole tight bike shorts but Marissa assures me that it's all ok.

Well this has been such a total random ramble. But seriously Marsy is a cool chick, who has an awesome sense of humour, great internet searching skills and will kick arse at selling phones at Telstra.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Hello World (minus the 6,322,190,705 people that have absolutely no interest in this page).

Long weekend is over, and the 4 day working week is before us.
Possibly for the first and probably for the last time in my life I wish this week was a 5 day working week.
Because this is my last week at Deloitte. (can't forget the DOT for those in the know) after which I shall be torn asunder from people that I have become quite attached to. I will miss the characters around this working space.

Speaking of which, here is one of those characters with her SPECIAL GUEST BLOG *cheer*
Before I cut and paste what she submitted to me via email (she's way too untechy to comprehend the idea of posting a blog), can I mention that I did not insist upon a *pop pop* ode to Marissa-let's make her head bigger composition. But I guess this is what she feels passionately about so who am I to stop her - har!

So here it is: Miss Michelle Cheung, soon to be Miss Michelle Tran (which reminds me, better start recruiting more members for your last hoorah fling before the big day)

Hi there, since Marissa (Miss Universe) says that I am allowed to write anything in my guest spot ... here goes.

I've known Marissa since she started working with me earlier this year. Before I had even seen her, I had a sneak peak at her resume and knew at once that she was a nerd with the detail and formatting which she had put into it.

It was only after I realised how sporty she was and how she was constantly surrounded by her posse of men, did I come around and think "maybe she's not cramping my style after all" and "maybe I can get introduced to some ..." hehehe

And it was then that I knew she was someone special. Someone I could connect with over our sessions bitchin about other "speds" and tuning into real to real RnB radio at work.

Before she leaves and thinks that this will be the end of me, I betta remind her that I know where she lives ... and what train she catches.

On a more serious note, I'll have to say Marissa is a pretty cool girl - no actually she rocks. Well she does know how to write HTML, shoot a 3 pointer AND wears bling bling.

(Have I done well Marissa? can I do another guest spot again? Please don't hurt me ...)

Friday, October 03, 2003

So I have finally succumbed to the blog craze.
Why? Mainly because I am brain numbingly bored at work.
I had grand plans to put a blog on my oh so cool website ( as a defiance against megalomaniac corporations, not insinuating that Blogger fits into that category, but convenience and lack of I.T geekness got the better of me.

Well long weekend in celebration of Labour Day is coming up! Woohoo! But what the hell are we celebrating? It's supposedly meant to celebrate the achievement of the 8 hour working day. Why couldn't they push for the 6 hour working day? Damn that Robert Owen! And isn't it funny that they put a public holiday on a day where we are meant to be working 8 hours? If you ask me (which you probably wouldn't) Labour Day should be the celebration of all the women who have been through labour. But that's just too feminist and that is oh so passé these days.

Okay am ready to flee this joint.
Stay tuned for the following:
• Guest blogs from the one and only Fat Ass Whore *shizzle my nizzle* and 'uncontrollable energy' Boy
• My care factor zero theory.

Have a lovely long weekend everybody!