Saturday, February 26, 2005

Farewell to my fave married couple

This week has been shittest week I can recall in my 25 years of baneful existence.

The icing on the what's now droopy proverbial cake manifested itself in the departure of one of my fave friends and her hubby - whom I equally favour, especially since I now have the pleasure of owning his car. On that note, watch out world, there will be one extra terror on the road. Disturbing thought for some I am no doubt sure.

So Fiona/YDG will soon become a permanent fixture on the shores of our majesty's estate. So what's the big deal since she will only be gone for 18 months? 18 months is nothing as they all say. Perhaps I am just a sentimental schmuck (mostly likely the case), but true, happy-go-lucky friends are hard to come by. Especially ones that live in the city and provide free medical supplies ;p I never have a dull moment when in her company. Engaging conversations (with or without Tooheys Old), lots of laughs and positive vibes are always common themes. And as far as being a reliable, concerned friend - she has always been my infallible voice of reason. I guess being in the 'mature' age category helps when imparting advice on relatively younger, seemingly incapable friends ;p

So there was my little blurb, hope you enjoyed it Fiona.
I am sure you will maximise every moment efficiently. I have no doubts that the UK will be every bit the adventure you imagined it to be - especially when we get there.

Somehow I have a slight suspicion that your $2,100 winnings at the casino (from ONE spin on the pokies) bodes well for your time in London. Thanks for the pity money by the way ;p


PS: Did you leave Parissa to me in your will?

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Three Asians and a Gay Boy

I remember having a conversation with someone regarding the need to capitalise the 'A' in asian. I don't think we ever came to a conclusion, but I was adamant that 'asian' (without caps) is grammatically incorrect. Afterall, you would write Australian rather than australian (unless you're having a lazy day with the shift key).

Prologue over.

Asian No. 1

Last week, a bunch of us (with a late appearance from a sweating Jason - yes I know it's because I am hot Jason) attended Wilson's and Nancy's birthday party (i.e. Sharlene's brother and mother). It was a fairly large family affair involving an abundance of Malaysian food, a food hall and plenty of family friends - most of whom were in the older age bracket.

When it came time for the bday boy to make a speech, there was an a priori expectation that he would deliver the tried and tested, fail-safe 'thank you' speech.
Instead, we were greeting with the following options:
1. If youse want me to make a speech, yell "Hell Yeah!" *silence*
2. If youse want me to dance, yell "Hell Yeah!" *silence, with a few giggles from our table*
Bearing in mind that the room was filled with aunties and uncles (both blood and non blood-related), I was somewhat mortified that he was attempting to use homie-nigger language to woo an elderly, Asian crowd. He then proceeds to prepare himself for the performance - including changing into more appropriate clothes, shoes, and picking the perfect song (which took him 15 minutes).
Watching the breaking spectacular was akin to watching the spoof/mockumentary of 'You Got Served', and I note that this movie attained a grand rating of 1.8/10 on IMDB. There was a mixture of disbelief, shock, mortification, laughter - rather similar to the grieving process, without the anger, depression and acceptance, hmmm perhaps not similar at all. His choreography involved flapping his arms around a robot, moonwalking around the stage (except it wasn't really moonwalking at all), topped off with bouncing handstands. And I do remember Sharlene saying "Alright that's enough" ... hehehehe. All in all, an original interpretation on how to deliver a 21st speech and thoroughly entertaining.

Asian No.2
My P.A at work (of Singapore origin, whose name makes the acronym 'Gimlee' which makes me laugh because it reminds me of Gimli from Lord of the Rings) has been the subject of tacit office bullying. Gimlee approached me the other day, with tears welled up in her chingy eyes, expressing her distress and disapproval of a fellow P.A. Just between me and the rest of the world, I think this 'other' P.A is on her last legs after her boss described her as "a bit thick" the other day. Ouchy. So party lines have been drawn, it is now a P.A stand-off. What a bitchy Melrose Place world they live in.

Asian No.3
About time for another Samantha Jones story. As you know, I have an Asian colleague whose demeanour reminds me of Samantha Jones from Sex in the City. She has recently put herself on an Atkins diet and has lost about 8kgs in the last 3 months - she now weighs 50kgs. My new nickname for her is gaunty. She informs me that her sex-partner is loving her new look and can't get enough of her (or what's left of her). She gained a kilo after eating 2 mangoes on the weekend, and insisted I feel her foreign bulge on her stomach. After protesting that this could be construed as sexual harassment, she then proceeds to unzip her skirt so that I could see this bulge. I can now confirm that she has an inny belly button.

And it would be remiss of me not to mention the day when she ran out of her office yelling "I stained my chair". Of course the stain was related to inability to change her tampon after being stuck in an extended conference call. She's all class.

Gay Boy
I now have the pleasure of sitting adjacent to a fella that has chosen the path of homosexuality. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Problem is that he is as cliche as they come, maybe not to the extent of Carson-gay although he's boyfriend definitely is. I feel like I am being dragged into a world that involves a lot of tantys (his b/f rings up every 2 minutes), frequent rolling of the eyes complimented with expressive hand movements, not to mention the well-documented gay-slang. *shudder* I think that it becomes a bit of an issue when a colleague asks you whether he's nipples are protruding too excessively in his shirt. I don't care for his nipples! I care less about looking at his nipples, protruding or not. Don't gay guys like protruding nipples? A question for the Aussie Fab 5. At least the shirt he was wearing wasn't pink.

Lazy Me ... slept til 4pm yesterday. Oh the horror. I was so tired the night before that I started going cross-eyed. Luckily the wind didn't change, wouldn't have to go out of my way to do a sped look. Hmmm, a bit slack but quite true.