Trash Talking Gone Wrong

I really possess a special ability to make a big doofus of myself. Last Tuesday, I was telling my manager about my impending squash game later in the evening. Impressed that I had an ability to play squash (little does he know that I AM a doofus when I play squash), he asks me whether I 'boast' when I play. Not entirely certain what he was trying to get at, I replied with 'yeah sure, when I am playing well I boast a little. I think I am pretty good at trash talking on the court', all the while smiling and grinning away like an idiot. My manager then starts laughing uncontrollably, at which point my face starts turning that horrible crimson colour (truly tomato face with red colour and fat cheeks). So I gather the courage to ask 'errr what are you laughing at?' He then proceeds to tell me that 'boasting' in squash is when you hit the ball at an angle from the side wall to the front wall. Oh horror, horror, horror! *cringe*

Signs of a gut is beginning to emerge around my waist - cool! donut on stomach! Pretty soon I will suffer the same fate as the lady who couldn't cross the street because she was too fat. I felt so sorry for her. There was ample time to cross the street, but her fat relegated her to watching everybody pass her by and having to take triple the amount of time getting to her destination. Fat is cruel and evil all at the same time.

Delivering speech later today. Hopefully there will be no signs of doofus-ness.

Footy Finals Fever ... despite foul weather

Hello World!

A month has passed with barely a squeak - you would assume (yes donkey, you, me) that this suggests that things were well oiled in March. But alas, reality is diametrically opposite to assumption (yes donkey, you, mption). Anti-highlight of the month can be summed up in one word: Queanbeyan. That town is so much of a hole that it should have been used as a representation of "the hive" in resident evil.

Bygones.

Later this evening, we play our touch footy finals - YAY! Our opposition could be considered our arched nemesis, and the last time I played them, the following event ensued:

Me streaking towards the try line with ball, further emphasising my point as the most prolific scorer EVER. Opposition yells 'touch' as I am mid-way through this process. I quickly replied with "bullshit" because quite obviously, being the quick lightening side-stepper that I am (think Martin Bella but better), there was no possibility of anyone laying a finger nail on me. Then out of no where, I hear a comment from a tubby fella on the side lines (he was a member of the other team):

Tubby Man: That's not very lady-like

[This got me REALLY REALLY FIRED UP! In this day and age .. where the hell does he get off saying something so MORONIC. Obviously he is a misogynist]

Me: WHAT?!? Do you want me to play like a girl as well?

I then proceed to run down the field like a girl - arms flapping, legs kicking out to the side - the whole kit and caboodle.

I suspect that I will screeching "touch" in a very very high octave when he comes near me tonight.

Money's on the line tonight ... fingers crossed hey?

Farewell to my fave married couple

This week has been shittest week I can recall in my 25 years of baneful existence.

The icing on the what's now droopy proverbial cake manifested itself in the departure of one of my fave friends and her hubby - whom I equally favour, especially since I now have the pleasure of owning his car. On that note, watch out world, there will be one extra terror on the road. Disturbing thought for some I am no doubt sure.

So Fiona/YDG will soon become a permanent fixture on the shores of our majesty's estate. So what's the big deal since she will only be gone for 18 months? 18 months is nothing as they all say. Perhaps I am just a sentimental schmuck (mostly likely the case), but true, happy-go-lucky friends are hard to come by. Especially ones that live in the city and provide free medical supplies ;p I never have a dull moment when in her company. Engaging conversations (with or without Tooheys Old), lots of laughs and positive vibes are always common themes. And as far as being a reliable, concerned friend - she has always been my infallible voice of reason. I guess being in the 'mature' age category helps when imparting advice on relatively younger, seemingly incapable friends ;p

So there was my little blurb, hope you enjoyed it Fiona.
I am sure you will maximise every moment efficiently. I have no doubts that the UK will be every bit the adventure you imagined it to be - especially when we get there.

Somehow I have a slight suspicion that your $2,100 winnings at the casino (from ONE spin on the pokies) bodes well for your time in London. Thanks for the pity money by the way ;p

BON VOYAGE!

PS: Did you leave Parissa to me in your will?