Metaphysical Studies

2010 is the year for me to indulge in metaphysical studies - these were the instructions from a bona fide, for real feng shui master; thanks YDG for the freebie, bulbous fruit (because they are lucky) filled seminar invite.

In fact, my foray into metaphysical studies had already begun prior to this edict. For some subliminally unknown reason, one of my 2010 resolutions was to dabble with yoga and meditation.

So here is the running list (accompanied by trivial commentary) of kooky activities on my check list so far:

Yoga
The amount of clothing you wear is inversely related to your yogi-seriousness level, i.e. the more clothing the less serious you are - I fall in this category). Full-on yogis seem to wear next to nothing. There is always one (male) groaner in the class. The male yoga instructors have the best physiques ... one in particular, and he knows my name! Now that's incentive to keep turning up to class.

Feng shui
Year of the metal tiger. The best advice is to stay away from people born in the year of the monkey (that's you 80's baby). Oh and fill your rooms with salt lamps and air purifiers.

Meditation
Meditation book sitting on my best side table - thanks Gregan.

Kinesiology
Apparently I eat too many carrots? And my chronic neck/shoulder pains is actually a manifestation of some deep seated mental blocker that may or may not have happened 4 years ago. Duh. Isn't everything related to mental instability?

Blue Moon .. and Mars in Opposition
Yup you could really delve into that header, but to be clear, I mean Mars the planet. Here is my digi cam photo of the rare event that occurred on 30 January 2010. The blurb from astroblog: "This Saturday Mars is at opposition, where it is biggest and brightest as seen from Earth. It is also the night of the "Blue" Moon, and the Moon this night will have the largest apparent diameter of the year. So all in all a good night." You might have to look really hard (potentially with the help of a microscope) to see Mars in my picture. It is to the left of the Blue Moon.


But guess what, there will be another Blue Moon on 30 March 2010. Perhaps it will be a cosmic year after all.

Annual Japan trip coming up next week, this time with added company of KS-personnel. Can't wait to get boozy every day on those $2.20 Asahis. Oh the snow will be nice too. W00t!

Lucky my name is not Ivy

... because according to No.3 on Milton Glaser's (of 'I ❤ New York' fame) list of things he has learned, that may make Poison Ivy. Let me go find a plant and hug it.

Here is the 'infallible' test, according to Milton, to determine whether you are toxic or nourishing:

" ... observe whether you are more energised or less energised. Whether you are tired or whether you are exhilarated. If you are more tired then you have been poisoned. If you have more energy you have been nourished."

If golf was a person, it would definitely be as toxic *cue Britney Spears*

So let's stick with this toxic theme. This swine flu maybe/maybe not pandemic reminds me of this Tracey Ullman State of the Union skit. While the word "medieval" has yet to surface on news reports/broadcasts etc, the sensationalisation of the event has been pretty full-on. The facts are: 300 confirmed swine flu cases; 12 deaths due to the virus and as indicated by the Freakonomics link, the problem could have been contained but for poverty and lack of access to proper medical facilities. The media has such an enormous influence on day-to-day lives. No wonder people are taking this piggy cold seriously - bad time to get married in Mexico.

On other toxic related news, I'm back on the little blue pills. It is seriously giving me scatter brain. I feel unable to function in swine-flu ridden society.

Topsy Turvy, like Billy Blanks' Abs

What a topsy turvy March it was. Oddly, it has all culminated into a bit of fizzle; an asystolic pause. Calm before the storm, or inevitable winding down a la the VHS tape? Oh I do feel for the forgotten, obselete VHS tape. But here's a scoop: over the weekend, I found a VHS tape with Tae Bo on it - sweet!

How could we resist the temptation of a work out with Billy Blanks and those super hardcore android-accompaniments. That poor Shelly, always made to count, while holding an imaginary cup on her hips, knees and ankles during the taekwondo kicks . My imaginary cup was plastic and disposable - less effort to hold up. It must have been a completely ridiculous sight; and we didn't even make it through the whole session. Taut abs, gluteus maximus' go begging.

March 2009 involved:

• dogmatic searches for 'signs';
  
• attempts at usurping fate via 20 cent coin tosses, which incidentally lands on heads 80% of the time;
  
• numerous poll-taking exercises with unsuspecting and kind volunteers/victims
  
• a few attempts at penning a predictive mathematical formula;
  
• some productive and unproductive discussions;
• last ditch, when all else fails tactics i.e. desperately seeking Dr Phil and Oprah.

Now we are on the other side, probably too fresh (and exhausted) to reflect in any meaningful manner. Regret or Reborn?

March 2009 made sane with the help of:

• The movie: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - it has The Cure, an excellent soundtrack and 'geek du jour' Michael Cera - what else do you need?
• The book: Disgrace - how well does this guy write. Jealous.
• The fact: 79% chance that I will still be working when I am 37.
• Miraculous return of form of our basketball team with the help of Shaq Attack.
• Bragging rights for being equal winner at the Terry Hills driving range challenge.
  
• Good friends & family.
  

Sux to be Malay

Stumbled upon an interesting/intriguing link sourced from one of my favourite daily reads.

Appears to be an inverse relationship between price and tint of skin, specifically yellow tint. Would be interesting to find out what the price of an African/African American/Indian (although Indian is arguably an extreme case of yellow tinting).

Perhaps the saying "Black is Beautiful" doesn't hold true for yellow black.

Planes, Trains & Automobiles

I am engaging in supreme work multi-tasking:

Headset on one ear - participating in work meeting
Earphone in the other ear - listening to "American Boy"
Google Talk - chat
Writing Document - work
Blogging - to prove the point

I digress ...

This week has been rather eventful in an "I, Robot" kind of way. Thursday morning, I'm rushing to get the car started to make an early morning meeting. My car was parked outside that morning, and to give you a sense of its surroundings:- it is parked on a strip of grass that leads directly to the neighbour's house. Immediately beside the strip of grass is concrete pavement.

Before I hop in the car, I do the right thing by starting the engine - this was the previous owner's parting advice (I think he decided to keep it simple realising that I wasn't capable of up keeping his millions of fastidious care tips). With my kaya + peanut butter sandwich in one hand, I insert the key into the ignition (toot toot! beep beep!). Next thing I know, the car bunny hops and suddenly (and I mean very suddenly) gains forward momentum, heading in the direction of my neighbour's house. At this point, I'm still not in the car, rather I am hanging on to the car door with dear life trying very desperately to get in the car. The car seemed to be speeding towards my neighbours house - I really thought it was going to smash into the house blockbuster-Hollywood (or perhaps Australia's Funniest Home Videos) style with me lying unconscious still holding on to my sandwich. It could have been a disastrous, expensive outcome. Fortunately, I managed somehow to drag myself into the car and slam on the brakes. Let me tell you, very hard to locate the brake pedals when you are about to career into a house.

I breathed a heavy sigh of nervous relief, then realised that I had burned a hole around the knee caps on my favourite work pants thanks to the concrete pavement. I had not actually noticed that I was being dragged along the pavement all that time until the sting set in.

Such an improbable set of circumstances. Leads me to believe that my car has developed a mind of its own and is attempting to get away from me (by committing suicide?) a la the movie I, Robert.

Eventful morning. Missed my meeting and now have a very puss-filled knee.

I should mention the announcement on my train ride into the city the other day (this is the "train" part of the blog - see subject header). As per usual, cityrail was experiencing delays between Central Station and Wynyard. The driver was courteous enough to inform us that there was a delay and then added "But Cityrail guarantees same day service", to which some random commuter responded "Well that's a bit rich". I tend to agree.

Non Sequitur

I just witnessed Bindy Irwin latch on to her new (most likely anti-conservational), silver logie. Her performance on the podium was actually rather endearing, unlike the eeky scene between Anakin and Padmé Amidala on TV at the moment.

All my Star Wars knowledge comes from my childhood obsession with Space Balls (HELMET!). I have never seen a Star Wars episode until very recently. People's reaction to this range from indignance to horror, to assuming that I am some kind of defect representation of the human race. Personally, I think Pizza the Hut is much better than Jabba the Hut, as is Dark Helmet and Yogurt. Somebody actually got a bit cranky at me when I suggested that Predator is a better movie than Star Wars (which it soooooo is). I don't have to defend Arnie - he just is.

So I was having a conversation with a friend who works for a lift (i.e. elevator) company (only a few to choose from). How the lift industry has escaped the attention of the ACCC is an interesting thought. Anyway, he has to wear a hard hat - very male stipper-esque. I was telling him that my number 1 lift-bugbear is the missing 'close-door' button. Ignorant statement I know but it really does bug me! I just don't understand why the essential close-door button is not on all elevators. It's like having sushi without the wasabi & soya sauce, i.e. nice but not complete.

What if you were escaping from a deviant - a close button would come in handy. What if you were trying to avoid the company of a overly chatty colleague - a close button would be nice. What if you were running late for a train/game/meeting/lunch (list goes on) - yes a close button would be helpful. What if some person's flailing limb/accessory was unnecessarily triggering the door sensors - a close button would be absolutely essential. I may be pushing the point ad nauseum, but I feel as strongly about this as a Star Wars fans feel about Yoda. (Oh Samuel L just carked it)

The same hard hat wearing friend also has a very diry little secret (even dirtier than my One Tree Hill obsession). He races nitro remote control cars for a hobby. Apparently the hobby requires non-lame things like pit stops and remote control car modifications. Hehe. Each for their own ...

There is always ... hope

There is a packet of cigarettes in my room (vestiges of Japan trip .. and yes it remains untouched - why am I justifying?) that embodies such delicious irony.



I'm not sure if it is deliberate mockery, but hey, if a tobacco company can get away with "hope", we deserved to be mocked. I wonder if the characters in the box is a caveat of some sort, which is a perfect segue to an article I read on forbes.com titled "Seven Laughable Warning Labels". My faves were:

Product: Frankel's Costume Superman costumes

Label (on Web site): Warning: This costume does not enable flight or super strength.

Product: Rowenta's irons
Label: Do not iron clothes on body.


So I have promised myself a quasi-epicurean banquet of the arts this year. I started off with a Beyonce entrée. Irreplaceable Bootylicious Beyonce probably fails the remoteness test for arts, but pop culture can be considered artistic - ask Nicole Kidman, who turned up with her daughter. She is the lady on the left side of the 5 empty seats (1st photo). Highlights included the all girl band, the inclusion of a variety of musical genres, and the various set designs/costume changes.

Banquet mains featured a serve of faux foie gras - Swan Lake @ the Capitol Theatre.


I must admit, ballet is not my preferred choice of artistic expression, but there's something rather majestic and spine tingling about 32 human-swans gracefully moving en masse in perfect harmony. So if you are complete ballet-newbie like me, you will not have known that many different endings exist for Swan Lake, ranging from romantic to tragic. We got a tragic ending, for more reasons that than one. The principal Prince Siegfried injured himself just before the intermission and couldn't continue on to Acts III and IV. His understudy was not particularly adept at twirling the swans, and was also slightly vertically challenged.

I now understand why there is a Matthew Bourne version of Swan Lake. The Prince did seem rather obsessed about dancing with the boys. The only thing that pulled his attention away was a swan, despite a plethora of willing female suitors.

More banquet mains basting in the kitchen ... stay tuned ...

I have whooping cough

Before you know it, we have exhausted more than half of our yearly quota of public holidays. This Easter, thanks to some insidious bug, I had the misfortunate bestowal of a 5 day weekend. Sounds great ... but for the fact that I had to WORK FROM HOME on my sick day.

Perhaps the rigours of long weekend activities were partly to blame:

Attempting to play a 18-hole links-style championship golf course when: a) you have a 40/45 (depending on mood) handicap; b) your golf set has been sitting in the garage untouched and uncleaned for the past 6 months; c) suffering from whooping cough; and d) play well as an exception rather than the rule. Taken together, it's fair to say that it was a tough day all around.
I didn't play the game. Nay, the game played me (into the rough, the bunkers, the water hazards etc etc etc).

The salvaging moments? Finding 5 new golf balls (after losing 3); making donuts in sand with the golf buggy (then getting bogged); winning the day by one point (what that must say about Wayne and Sharlene's golf game .. mehehe). The not so-salvaging moments? Throwing a hissy fit on the 10th hole.

We need Sic Pandy from SicBo/Pandemonium fame to return!

Having to endure an entire Bulldogs game without being to cuss or curse due to malfunctioning voice box. Very trying! I won't get started on my close to intense antipathy for that football club. Just within this past week, the Bulldogs club has had TWO controversies over two of their star players. It's only Round 5?!? I recognise that there may be some historical reason for supporting the Bulldogs club, but what's the point of supporting a team where you can't respect the players that make up that team?

These pictures speak for themselves ...

Easter show was fun, despite not being able to eat meat. Not too easy when you are constantly surrounded by farm animals and seduced by taste testing treats. See Bec's colourful pixelated recount.



No point puffing up your chest ...



... unless you can hula hoop

Refused Classification (RC)

In the same vein as these classic Nova ads:








I experienced a similar, almost cliche, Nova-moment on a recent Melb to Syd Virgin Blue fight.

Scenario
Predictably good looking Virgin Blue stewardess begins introducing the flight crew as passengers nestle into their seats.
She turns to introduce the "customer service" crew over the PA system:

"Up front, we have Paris and myself, Nicole.
In the middle, there is Hilary.
And finally we have Tom (who was clearly gay) up the rear [emphasis added]."

*Cue screaming pandemonium*

[Names have been changed for protection of privacy]


I had a mini chuckle to myself. On the subject of unsavoury material, I attended the Office of Film and Literature Classification (OFLC) content assessment course a couple of weeks back now, i.e. the place that stamps the PG/M/MA15+/R18+/X18+/RC symbols. Can you believe that we got to watch FULL-ON PORN! Might sound good for some (HT), but when you have to watch 10 minutes of hardcore porn with 8 other people, all the while disecting every frame, e.g.

oh that's just lips on bits - not X18+

actual penis penetrating in the background on TV screen - X18+

the word fuck only once - can be PG

... it all gets a bit cumbersome. One interesting revelation is that if a computer game involves sexual gratification as a reward (think Leisure Suite Larry), then it is REFUSED CLASSIFICATION and cannot be imported, hired or sold to the public.

And lastly, I heard on the radio the other day that a gang of what can only be described as unambitious idiots, confronted a man coming out of a car wash, and stole his TOYOTA CAMRY. Surely you wouldn't even bother flirting with the law for a Camry?

You like like a ...

Someone once told me I look a panda (insult or compliment? undecided). If this is the case, this head device would be perfect for moi. Giant panda indeed.

A note to buskers and bums

Knowing your target market is absolutely vital if you are in the business of inducing strangers to part with their money.

As I was walking through Chinatown last night, I came across a young fella busking (quite uneventfully) with recorder in mouth, blowing the tune of "I still call Australia home" ... in Chinatown. Perhaps he may have faired better in Cronulla.

Unsurprisingly there weren't many coins/notes in his makeshift donation tray. Although that could be due to the fact that he ended up playing just 2 notes repeatedly after a while.

This Sux!

The utter desperateness and despair of having to exercise your brain around non-comprehendable economic concepts on a Saturday night just plain SUX!

So far, my procrastination activities have included:

• Cleaning up my laptop, i.e. deleting random files so that all my programs now refuse to work. I need to refrain from going nutso with the delete button;
• Installing/uninstalling illegal software - bet you porn will appear all over my screen on Monday morning during inopportune occasions, i.e. when manager walks past;
• Eating junk, and drinking coffee with condensed milk. Why go carnation when condensed is so much worse for you?;
• Getting excited about software that turns Word documents into PDF documents, i.e. so you can copy and paste!! Only to find out that it's a trial version, meaning that all my beautiful documents now have spashed across it "TRIAL VERSION" in big bold letter.
• Praying for Seattle Storm to win tomorrow;
• Downloading stuff on limewire - perpetrator of installing stupid java software on my laptop;
• Bugging Gregan, esp with guitar smashes on MSN;
• Downloading the polyphonic tone from 'Samurai Pizza Cats' for my phone - excellent song that! I will sing it for you now ... "Samurai Pizza Cats ... Oooh yeah!Who do you call when you want some pepperoni? Samurai Pizza Cats... [Speedy Cerviche: Right on!] They're stepping out crime, and you know that ain't balony"

And this all started at 2pm this afternoon. *Sigh*

Must try out this new photo function, so here is my favourite piece of drawing of all time:



Ok, more coffee and I should do some work ...

Happy Days!

There are good reasons for the explosion of rainbow bright goodness out of the James Squire pilsner:

1. I am drinking beer and the world is celebrating with me;
2. The pot at the end of the rainbow belongs to James Squire - great myth solved;
3. I have been marked as the next 'Cheer Bear' by the care bear council; and
   
4. My fave drinking partner - Yan Dan Fiona Goh - is soon be back in town!Happy days indeed! She will be joining us on our 1st ski trip of 2005, where she will be able to perfect her skills of mimicking inanimate objects (as seen in picture on right). I will suggest that she imitates a naked snowman, with the allowance of a scarf.
   I am excited about her visit. The next few weeks should be quite fun with her arrival, ski trip and Melbourne trip - albeit there will be work involved. But my brain hasn't been challenged in a while so some studying/critical thinking is probably good exercise for it.

Hmmm, I better start reactivating my alcohol enzymes this week in preparation.

YAY!